Hi, guys, and welcome back to the Rachel day podcast, we're walking all things wellness lifestyle business and entrepreneurship Join me Rachel Day and my guests as we delve into our personal insights, practical tips and inspiration to help you live your best luck. This week, I'm very excited to be sitting down with authenticity coach, speaker an author of her new book authentic. Welcome to the show catch John. Thank you, Rachel. Good to see you. Good to see you you're so excited to have you back. Thank you. Good to be back. It's been 2 years since we've had you on the show. Yeah. It's been that long. Does it feel the crap? No. That doesn't feel that long. That's nuts. Isn't it? So crazy. Alrighty. There we go. Times definitely does do its thing. It does. Doesn't it. And I feel like so much has happened in your world since then. So firstly, congratulations on your new book authentic. Thank you. It's amazing. It's currently available for pre order, and it's super release on the thirteenth of August, and so, of course, we'll pop up all the links in the Show notes for you guys listening to check it out. Now I'm so excited. How has this process been for you because I feel like writing a book. It's not something you do every day. I'm so excited for people to have this book in their hands because it's encompasses pretty much your body of work and everything that you stand for. So yeah, how's a been? You know what, I've actually loved the the process. So obviously, obviously, the first book that I've written. So, you know, typically, I'm, supernatural at speaking on my podcast and also keynote speaking and other people's podcasts. So the write a book was a little bit of a challenge. You know? I was like, oh, gosh, how how am I gonna do it? But it was always in it's always been in the stars for me. You know, I've always known that at some point in my life, I will write a book, In terms of my limiting stories, my limiting story said it'll be when I'm 50 because that's when I'm wiser, and I'm older, and I would have earned it. Right? So they were the stories that were playing around in my head. And I actually, finally enough, I went down the route of self publishing first, and I was writing a book. I was writing a book. But I guess with it being self publishing, you know, when you don't really have a deadline, the ability to fuck around is next with. You know? Yeah. The ability to be like, man today, and, Not feeling in it all that kind of jazz and when I was doing this self publishing, I remember, I just got this very clear message that said just pause. Not it wasn't ego going. It wasn't my own ego stuff playing around with me. It was this very truthful simple voice that said Pause. And I said, okay. And I didn't, you know, thought, am I messing around with myself here am myself sa advertising, but the voice, III know that voice and it at they it was very grounded and in how it spoke up. And then 3 months later, I got an email from penguin publishing, which I thought was fake. I thought it was a hundred percent fake. I like, I Googled and Linkedin and Facebook and Instagram, the person who would emailed and I'm like, holy shit, but This person's real. So, yeah. Once I got my team and we had a chat about what this book was gonna be about Yeah. It was... Like I said, I really loved the process. I loved having deadlines. I loved having people to be accountable to. And I just came up here in my space every day. And the first 30 days, what I did was I wrote for 1 hour a day, and that was a thousand words and by the end of 30 days, I had 30000 words. They were all random. It was, like stories. It was my story. It was an idea. It was top points. That was super messy, super messy. And I'm glad that I know that for the next books that I write to to trust the mess. Because I guess in my head, I kind of wanted it to be chapter 1. Here we go. Here we go. And it was like, oh my gosh. It cannot be written like for me anyway. So, yeah. I've loved it. I've absolutely loved it. Amazing. I I love here in the process of writing and for me, you know, I I write a lot as well. And it's a very cath practice. Yep. I do wanna come back into the book and the limiting the beliefs around it and your experiences from writing book, but I kind of wanna delve into, I guess the guts of it, which is So the tagline of the book is coming home to your true self. Yeah. And and you've said that this book is for those who have lost their way, Ventured a little too far from themselves and have compromised their authentic nature. Mh It's for those who have buried their inner voice. What they value their truth barometer, but they can also feel it bubbling up. And I imagine there's a series of things that you have noticed in people when they get to this point. How does someone actually know that they've lost their way? That's a great question. It's a really great question. I think for a lot of the time, we don't know that we have lost our way. Right? So when we are When we are super identified with our ego, which are the stories that we tell ourselves, which stem way back from when we're children and around decisions that we make from you know, certain experiences that we have when we're younger. A lot of the time, we think that's who We are. The stories that we tell ourselves, that's who we are, the persona that we put out to the world. That's who we are. The helper, the please of the perfection the super dominant 1 and over air over controlling person. We we think that's who we are and I believe... See, when I see people and they come into my sphere to do work with me, they've reached a point where let's say that little voice inside has been really trying to communicate with them, sending them nudge sending them messages, sending them signs, we don't have to do it this way. There's another way to do this. What if you tried this? You know, just this this subtle subtle voice. I believe, I think cracks the shits. And eventually, you know, because when we don't listen to that voice, we we accumulate, our behavior, and our patents and our patterns and our behaviors then accumulate responses and reactions from people and from life. And I think when we reach that tipping point where it's like all the, you know, the universe, the forces, the the the reactions from people all meet at 1 time, and we get a pretty gnarly wake up call, which is what I talk a lot about in my book, where it is. It's like a really firm parent sit you down and says enough. Enough, enough enough enough. And I'd say those who dare to listen to that very firm, but loving, very firm, but loving enough, realize and often then ask himself, what the fuck am I doing? And what is this life that I am calling life and is this even my life and they start to... It's like when you go to sc, you just start to scratch the surface and you see underneath your life shiver this this wound ain't healed. You know, this wound ain't healed, There's a lot of mark and pass and it there And, yeah, the ones who dare to go into that. Yeah. That that that I believe is like, the first kind of invitation to really realize I've lost myself. Yeah. And it's a really... I I feel like it's a pretty scary... Well, it can be scary, a scary moment at that moment of realizing that for self. Yep. And I feel like all of us can to some degree resonate with it and whether you're at that point yet or not or you're... Maybe this this is resonating with you as we speak about this. But if you have been to that point, you you know what that feels like. If you haven't quite gotten to that point yet, there's probably something that's Whispering you saying that sounds a little bit of, you know, sort of where I'm at. Yeah. What are the some of the reasons why we actually venture away from our authentic. Selves. What how do we get there in the first place? How is in how do we venture away from ourselves? Yeah. How how do you away from us. I mean, look, we... If you think about it, we are all born. Like, for example, my friend just had a baby, and I'm I'm looking at that baby and just thinking ban you're so pure. You are so pure. You have got no idea about the world yet. No 1 has yet imprinted you although when when we're young, really from the ages of 0 to 7, we are absorbing the world I'm consciously and very rapidly. And even though we're an infant, we pick up on things. We pick up on senses, feelings, sensations, tonality of voices, and we start to notice things, but in that very early in imprint stage of life 0 to 7, We do. We experience many different things. Some can be super traumatic, from physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, some can be from just simple sibling rivalry. Right? Where 1 sibling seems to be getting the most praise over you and that creates a wound. Right? We're, I far out that hurts. We're not consciously saying that hurts, but it hurts. And so we remember that, and we ask ourselves again, this is not consciously because we're little. But we're wondering how do I not make this hurt again. How do I not make this herd again? And so that becomes already the first time we're starting to adapt ourselves, adapt ourselves? So we look at say our sibling or we use that example and go okay. Or they're achieving, and they're getting, you know, really good grades and they're like this and they're like that. And mom and dad or caregivers are giving them a lot of love and a lot of praise, and I'm not getting much. So Who do I need to become? What do I have to do? I'll get their attention by. Now this is where we start to create these different types of personas. Right? I'll do it through being a perfection. I'll do it through being a really naughty boy. Or really naughty child. Right? I'll do it through being an absolute rap bag, that'll get their attention. And so little by little bit by bit, if the parent starts give attention for being a perfection or for being a rap bag, we then start to go cool. I know what works. I know what works to get their attention, which equals love, which equals love, which equals validation, which equals acceptance, whatever it may be. Now this is and this is what creates the ego. So these circumstances, like I said, some can be very traumatic and others can be everyday life. We don't come out of lot. We don't come out of child who's got free. You know, We all come out with our with our bandages on, we've got crutches, metaphor crutches and a wheelchair, etcetera. And we're, like, shit, that was rough. Now I'm gonna have to go through life, forgetting myself for a little bit longer. But that is that is what we do. And so those times over and over again, keep forming the ego, which is the part of us that goes right. How does the world work? How does this world work? How do we work in it and how do we keep safe within that? So let's keep doing what we've doing And that's how these beliefs become limiting? At the time they service because we go cool, I'm getting attention from mom and dad and that equals love. But over time when we grow up and we start to go into relationships. And if we start being rep bags our relationship or if we start being super perfection and picky, and judge and m relationships relate are gonna leave. Right? And that's gonna keep hurting. And so eventually, the police become limiting because they just don't service like they did when we were children. And that's how we venture far away. So, you know, little by little bit by bit, We make these decisions that instead of a plane going, okay, put in the digits to go to Tokyo, we end up doing 1 digit the other way, and we end up in San Francisco. You know, and then we we realized shit. I was meant to be in Tokyo at all this all this time, but I'm in San fran. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I find it I've been thinking about this a lot actually because I think that when you do your own work on yourself and you understand your own childhood wounds and traumas, your patterns of behavior, and your I guess, default responses to things. This is what we're talking about. And you're not conscious of them. You know, I feel that there's an element of you that knows that that that knows that that this is something that has been created from childhood. And, yes, you might be vaguely conscious of it, there's a moment where it almost like clicks where you are fully conscious of what's going on. And and in that moment, you're able to shift out of that make decisions, conscious decisions as to how you want to now b. Mh. I'm interested to know what your perspective is on if you do not become conscious of your passions of behavior of your wounding. You you're still gonna play out these things it's still gonna happen. Yep. And just say you get into a relationship with somebody, and you are playing out these unconscious patterns. The dynamic is the same What happens then if you do not become conscious of what you are doing because you obviously will probably attract a partner that is able to recreate that same dynamic. Mh. Mh. What what happens if we don't become conscious of what's going on within us? Yeah. It's a great question. I mean, I guess, you have a pretty average relationship. You know, when... If we take it that that as an example, if you're... If 2 people are in a fairly average relationship or an unconscious relationship. This is where everyone's to blame. Right? That person is to blame your mom's to blame your dads to blame the universe, the moon, the freaking, you know, mercury retro grade is to blame. Now thing, nothing is ever, your responsibility. Nothing is ever on you. Right? And so then that is a life of being a victim where... Yeah, Everything else is the problem. You know, I see many people, many people, many people that have 0 self awareness. 0 self awareness. And they truly do believe everything else is the problem. Everything else is causing them to feel this way. Everyone else is causing them to have a migraine. Everyone... Everyone else is causing them to have financial problems. You know, it is never their responsibility and far out man. I I know I can't live a life like that. I have lived a life like that. I mean, that's where I started from. Right? That's how I began my life. But, you know, to have to have no responsibility to in my true in my truth is to have no true power. Yeah. Right? You're at the mercy of fucking everything. And in how... Like, that's exhausting. To be at the mercy of everything. To be like affected, impacted, offended. You know, it's like people who are like that. It's like they go out in the world looking to be offended. Looking for reasons to be impacted that will keep them in victim hood. Yeah. And that they're not the problem. Everyone else is the problem because we've we've... Like I said, with responsibility, there's accountability. There's integrity. There's your core values. I mean, so much has to rise to come out of victim hood. But I also get why it can be you know, I guess, the easier choice to seem to stay there because it does take a shit ton of work to be a conscious accountable, aware human being. Yeah. It does. Yeah. It it it so does. And I feel like you being able to speak from both perspectives because you know when you were unconscious. And obviously, now you're living a very in a very conscious way and and not to say that anybody is perfect and you, you know, how No. It's a constant how. Right? You're always worrying about yourself. You're always picking up new pieces and and adding that to how you live in the world or show up in the world. Absolutely. But being able to have those 2 points of reference Can you explain to people who maybe aren't quite at that point where they are living really consciously and I'm really aware of their past wounding and how that's affecting how they behave and their actions and how they are showing up in their relationships. Can you explain to people and really describe what it what it has felt like for you being unconscious? And not living in your authentic self. And then what it feels like to live in a really conscious and authentic way that's true to you. Yeah. Absolutely. So I think back to the time, before there was this moment. I can't remember how auto was I was in my maybe mid twenties. Where I just broken up with a 6 year relationship. And I remember I was dating dating guys for, like, 6 weeks, it would end the 6 weeks in it would end. The 6 weeks in it end I'm like, fuck the male population. They are, a bunch of assholes, you know, like, just really picking them apart and seeing what was wrong with them. And that was really... Like I said, well, I don't like what I was talking about before. That was how I lived my life. You know? I had, and no willingness to no willingness to look at myself. Everyone else was the problem. So my boyfriend at the time that I was with for 6 years. I was controlling. I was dominating. I was super people pleasing You know? So I would switch from... I wanna control him. I want to make sure that he does things the way that I want him to do them. I was manipulative. So whenever he wanted to go out. And if I didn't wanna go out or if I had a nursing shift I was a nurse back then, if I didn't want him to go out, I would manipulate him by, going to my past and telling him reasons why I was scared to be at home on my own even though I was... I could have been actually okay. But because I was so not alright being by myself, I would manipulate. I would twist I would twist him, you know, into a pretzel and twist stories also into a pretzel. So he would feel bad for me. He would feel guilty for leaving and then he'd stay. And so then if he stayed, I would be a really big people place. I'd be like, up his ass, I'd be. What do wanna do then? What do you wanna say? Yeah. Yeah. Because deep fucking down. I knew that I was doing the wrong thing. I knew I was doing the wrong thing The whole, actually, even as I say this, when I remember back to it, I remember actually there's something god there was this something there that just said this is not the way, and this is not okay. It just was there. And I just didn't listen. I was so consumed by this this need. This need to control. This need to have my way, and then this need to make it okay. Right? And that really, I mean, back in the day, I cheated on my boyfriends. I cheated on my partners? Because I, it was all about how am Gonna get my needs met How am I gonna feel fulfilled? How am I gonna feel okay? Me, me monster stuff. So because of that, I almost had little to no regard for how another human mayfield feel. Or if I was inhibiting their freedom or their right to choose the way that they wanted to go about their life. And this is why my god, this is why I I am so I'm so... III really back this way of authenticity and and living true to our true selves because I mean, you look out in the world right now. It is a people are doing some really fucked up shit to 1 another. Yeah. And that is that is the epitome me. That is the big ugly version of what it looks like when we have no connection to who we are. Right? That is and see, I was doing it on a micro scale with my boyfriend. I was controlling him. I was dominating him. I was manipulating him, and then I would get my own way. Right? And like I said, I was me monster. It was like, I need to get my needs met, and I will do whatever I have to do to make you make my needs be met. And I will do whatever I have to do. So if that means okay, Well, if you can't see me tonight, then I'm gonna go and cheat on you. Yeah. You know? So I was like, it was it was a really shit time up until, and up until we broke up, we broke up when I was 20, was a 23 or 24, it was hard living. You know, it was really hard living soon. I mean, I can give you so many more examples of what it I was like, no. I mean, I was stress many of my book that was really... That that book is really just hey if anyone. If anyone needs a reason why to do this. Let me share you all the reasons. There's a lot of there's a lot of a lot of things that I did when I wasn't connected to my true self, But then... Oh, my gosh. When I was and now that I am. And like you said, it's still a dance. I guess, you know, what I feel that the main difference is is that, there's so much more... Firstly, it's like this. Right? See how I'm just taking my time. There's so much more space. There is more time. There's more time to consider more time to respond, more time and space and holding to be able to feel the very uncomfortable feelings that I don't wanna feel and give them space rather than I feel uncomfortable. I need... I I need this need met Otherwise, I'm gonna imp. Whereas now, it's... Okay. This situation I'm really uncomfortable with. What's coming up? Where is it? What is you know, what's being triggered here what's being activated here? Is there a part of me, old self me that I needed to talk to that I need that I need to chat to? Do I need to ask myself a question take a walk, take a journal, see there's so much consideration before I then choose how I'm gonna show up. I gonna show up? Even if I... Even if after all of that, am I still gonna choose to show up go? Am I gonna choose to show up with my true nature intact? And that's the ultimate difference. That's the ultimate difference. Yeah. Tell me how that sense feels to you because people who... I mean, people who are listening to the podcast. Can probably hear in cuts voice. The shift of state. Mh and how you were, even even just talking through the talking through the story. Yeah. But how do that how does that feel being in that state? I mean, it just... It feels like home? You know, it feels... I mean, and what does home feel like everyone is gonna have a different feeling of home. But for me, it feels safe. I feel grounded. I feel like I'm in every cell. You know, I feel like, I mean, I'm I'm embodied. I'm embodied. Whereas when I'm not, my gosh. I am so out of my body, and I'm just in this ball that sits between my ears, and it's like a ping pong game going on in my head on, you know, 10 times speed. Yeah. So therefore, I'm, you know, I'm I'm Un grounded. I'm erratic. I'm charged. I'm I'm ready to fire with no footing with no footing, whereas when I'm in my true self, I have footing. That's a such a nice description. Feels grounded. Yeah. Yeah. Now you... Obviously, authenticity is such, you know, the books called authentic. But your core of the core of your work is about being authentic and you've coached so many people through through their journeys of finding themselves back to being their true selves. And 1 of the posts that I've seen on your socials is 1 that says, there is no 1 like you. Mh. There has never been anyone like you. There shall never be anyone like you. Therefore, know yourself, be yourself authenticity is everything. Mh And Obviously, we just spoke about it earlier that being authentic is delving into those parts of ourselves, our wounds, our coping mechanisms triggers, patterns of behavior, all of those things. And it can be scary like we said to go back into those moments. And not necessarily even relive it necessarily, but it can be a case of actually even facing them for the first time because, all of those things have been stuff down they're suppressed, and I imagine a lot of our suppressed and distract ourselves from feeling those emotions from whatever it was that happened in your childhood in your past that are sitting underneath there. How should people start to even look into that? Because, you know, there's those parts of ourselves that we just sometimes don't wanna look at. Like, you just described there those... What what you have done in your past from that unconscious place. That's That's a very brave thing to do even to share it publicly, but. But for the most part, I think a lot of us will feel very nervous to confront that part of ourselves and even look at it. Yep. So how can people start to be okay to look at those darker shadow, ugly parts of ourselves. Mh. I believe that to do it with support is the first place to start. You know, when I If I go back into my life, really what kind of woke me up were the finale wake up calls. So that wasn't with someone else that wasn't me doing it consciously and and writings, you know, sitting down and going, I think I have shadows to deal with. So let me deal with my shadows. It was it was me trying to run so far away from my shadows. It wasn't funny. Wasn't funny. And avoid them. So back then for me, it was through taking drugs. And I guess, like like, we I spoke about in the very beginning when you are question when the wake up call when it was the Cr. Right? Like, at the end of, what's it? The Carol's by Candle light. You know, we're at the very end, they do that big with the 2 symbols. I don't know what the... I don't know what they're calling. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When the Cr. Right? Moment. The moment. When the moment comes where you life, the universe just says e buck enough. Enough enough enough enough enough. Right? And you have a crack open. There's a crank that opens that maybe a flashback comes back or a feeling comes up or you just think god. I'm I'm not doing alright. I I don't think I'm doing alright, and I don't know where to begin. I know for me, I I sought help. I sought help originally with a counselor, and then I went to kin anesthesiologist and then I went to a live coach and then I went to a counselor again, and I, I bounced around basically wherever the next best step was? Where's the next best step here? And so I really believe in the beginning to have a therapist, like a psycho therapist or a counselor or a psychologist in the beginning. And the reason why I say beginning is because at some point, you will get to a point where you are so much more comfortable thanks to the the the support of the psycho or whoever it may be to talk about your wounds to make peace with your shadow, etcetera to really air out. Right? Think of it as airing it out. Then I believe there comes a point where coaches play a role because coaches are there to acknowledge the past, see where you are in the present and then go now where do we wanna go? Where do we wanna go with this junk that you're always gonna be with and carrying? Where are you now in relation to your junk? And where are you in relation to where you would love to be? And that's, you know, that's where I see some core progression with people and then once they've sort of done coaching, then they might pick up different other tools along the way. And I always say to my clients. It's never a done deal. Right? You'd you're not coming to me as your 1 an only person that's gonna fix everything. Like, do not put that much pressure on me because I don't even put that much pressure on me. You know? Yeah. Don't do that because I will teach you and share with you, you know, the the work that I know, and that'll will serve a really great aspect of you, and you'll go on your merry way, and you'll meet someone else that will serve a different aspect of you and it will get... It will serve you and then you'll go on your merry way again. So and answer to your question, get support. Because you're not meant to do this shit alone. You're not meant to try and figure it out on your own, especially when you've been deflect neglecting don't wanna, you know, avoiding, and then you've being cracked open, that crack open can be a lot. Yeah. He can me a lot and to have someone where you can feel safe to unload or offload someone who listens. That's not your family because your family will interject and they will have their bias, and then you'll be pissed off, and then you'll get offended and then you're like, fuck this. I'm closing back up again. You know, it is go to someone who is... Who his who knows this type of work and who knows how to hold space for you because that's firstly what we need. We need people to hold space for us as we unravel. So true. And I think it's so important. I feel like asking for help sometimes is really hard to asking for that support. Now we talked about obviously, going to the depths of really understanding who your authentic selfie is and and I feel like there's true parts of this, and I'm interested to hear your perspective on this because there's being authentic being you, uniquely you, understanding yourself And then I feel like there's the acceptance piece. Mh. And I believe that this is a separate piece as if almost as if you know, you can be your authentic self. But if you still do not fully accept who you are when you get down there and find all these things. Yeah. It's not a... It... It's almost if you you can't be authentic itself if you don't accept it either. So can you speak to this and what your thoughts are about this because I'm... Yeah. Really interested about this all yeah. Almighty I meant to what you just said, and it's and it's something that I also speak about in my book too because there are many parts of us that we have been embarrassed by, you know, at at at stages in our life. We're ashamed of the things that we've done, and we're like, I don't wanna I don't wanna. I don't wanna look that. I wanna face I just wanna be authentic. You know, I just wanna be authentic. Yeah. I'm real young. I'm cool. I am me. But we have, these parts of us these, you know, 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago selves that we still keep in the dark because Like I said, we're embarrassed by them. We're ashamed of them. We're ashamed of what they did. And like you said, so therefore, we're not forgiving them and therefore, we're not accepting them as as as who we were at that time. And III remember a a client that I have or had, and she was, you know, at this point in her life, where she had grown and, you know, really come home to herself, but there was the part of her that she just couldn't forgive. The part of her that didn't listen her intuition. That didn't listen to the nudge that ignored it that kinda just went You know, my relationship good, my my my marriage is great when she actually knew that her husband was cheating on her the whole time. Oh wow. And so she never... She's... Well, she found it difficult to forgive herself because She then while they went on to have children and now they're separated and divorcing and she sees the children hurting. And I said to her. This is the part. Of you you need to make peace with. Mh. A lot of peace with. And so what I would... And this is what I suggested to her and this is what I've done on my own I suggested to her right, a letter. Firstly from your... This was her a year ago self. And all the things that she knows, that she's just too afraid to act upon and why she's afraid to act upon her just as your current self who is far more compassionate, far more empathetic, far more evolved, read that and and feel her pain. You know, feel her pain and feel for the woman that knows what she's gotta do, but just cannot do it. And now I'd like you to write a letter from your current self to her. And acknowledge her pain acknowledge the frustrations that you're having in your current life because of those actions that she didn't take, but also let her know how great your life is because you have taken that action. Right? So she did that. And she did. She found far greater peace in herself because She did she had to accept this part of her that that didn't listen to her core self. So when you say that, like, I I couldn't agree with you more because it's so true. Like, there are parts of me in my past where my gosh. I mean, to admit that I'm in... That I'm a manipulator to admit that I'm a controller to admit that I pleased to make it better because I did manipulate and d control, Like, that that's ugly shit. Mh. That's ugly shit, but to own that. To own that part of you to accept it and go okay. That was that was me at that time in my life and and goodness I've woken up and I've become who I am today. I certainly know that as someone who speaks very openly about authenticity in the parts of myself that aren't so great. It allows permission for other people to go. Yeah. I haven't been so proud of some things that I've done in the past, but maybe I need to accept them too. You know, it's it's definitely part of the puzzle, 100 percent. Yeah. And I think it's just... I mean, I I think it's so amazing that you are doing the work that you do because you're like you said, yes, you sharing your learnings about yourself and being courageous and brave enough to say these things and share that with people in spite of maybe past feelings of shame about that or embarrassment about those things. It gives people permission to look at themselves. It's like a reflection almost. It's a mirror in a way. Right? And people can can feel well cats on it. Cats looked at these parts, and that means that I can too. You know? And I think that's exactly so amazing. Yeah, that people have that in you as a as a role model for being able to do that. And I just love that you... This is your work and and what you doing And I think so many people can agree and and obviously resonate with what you're doing. Now, I'm interested to know because, obviously, it's been a couple years since you've been on the pod what your new learnings are because like was saying earlier... It's it's a constant journey. We're always learning about ourselves and about things. What other new things that have really come up for you over the last couple of years. Some new things that you've added to your philosophies that you have. M, great question. What was something new? I guess, I would say it's more what has deepened. As more what is deepened. So for example, I'm well across the work of the en gram. I don't know if you've heard of that before. Vaguely heard the term, at what is is tell me? Beautiful. It's it's a it's a it's an incredible personality type you know, profiling, but it goes so much deeper, so deep, Like, all the way to the wounded core deep. And I've been across that work for some years now, and I'm in a year long certification. About it. And so with that, I, again, I have my respect is deepening 4 our ego, Weirdly enough. Right strange. The the respect of Maybe the maybe it's not the word respect, the compassion and empathy that I have for humanity as to why they identify so closely with their ego. And I guess for me, it's helping me, like, when I when I have stopped my learning for the afternoon. I then go out into my life and I look at Steve with softer eyes. I look at my bonus orders with a softer heart. I even look at myself with a softer heart because I see how intricate and and and tightly webb and bound the ego is and just how potent it is how powerful it is, how readily are available it is to pull us back into everything that it needs for us to be in order to stay within its limitations of who it thinks we are. And I guess where I say I have respect, I have respect for the people who willingly do the work to fucking take a breath from that part of themselves. And they breathe life into their true nature. They breathe life into their their force of nature. Right? So it's... Say, for example, the achieve, the 1 that just does and does and does and doesn't known not how to do that can't sit still that can't be seen as someone who was resting because otherwise, they're failing. Right? They have they have such deep wounds around failing. So they are forever, fixing or doing, fixing or doing, fixing or doing and yet the ones that have the courage to sit and feel uncomfortable and hear the thoughts that come up of you're loser. You're lazy. You're not gonna get anything done. You're of no validity in the world, you know, to for those who are willing to hear that, and hold it, Love it. Find the the wounded younger part of themselves that fills the need to constantly do. Be beyond the journey of healing it so they can take a breath in their life and enjoy it. Man, mad respect, like, mad respect for people on the journey for real. Yeah. It's tough. Right? It's tough to look into this stuff, and I feel like... Yeah. If you if you... Obviously, people listen to this podcast are very interested in in knowing themselves better, and I think that it's definitely what I've learned over the last few years is that you've gotta have empathy and compassion for all of those parts of yourself, But just for you to have gone through all these things and to be able to sit and look at yourself and but to give yourself that, like you were saying once you've done the these kind of learnings, you look at yourself with a softer heart, looking at and your daughters and stuff and I think that's such an important piece, the empathy and compassion piece because it's so easy to look at stuff that you have experienced all who passed versions of yourself and and judge it. Yeah. And come at it with a really, you know, not a very compassionate approach. Definitely. And that's really nice. Yeah. Yeah. And that is that is think of that as like a stage that we'll go through. Right? We will go through a stage where we will judge harshly how we have been behaving, how we previously behaved the things that we've done. We will get hard on ourselves. You know, there's all these like, micro phases of, growth and evolution. And so when we're in the ji phase, you go, okay. Cool. I'm mean in the Judge phase right now, I'm making myself wrong. I'm making myself bad. I'm making myself, you know, out to be the worst person in the world. And again, if we can just watch us ourselves go, okay. I'm in the judge phase right now. It'll end, it will end, It will pass, and then in time, there will come a phase in the evolutionary journey where we can have compassion and we can soften and we can ease and and have more grace And, you know, it happens every time, every time we cycle through an evolutionary journey because that doesn't end. And so every time we kinda up level and every time we, widen our authenticity and and, ground even deeper into our authenticity every time there'll be a a judgmental phase and and that's okay. You know, That's okay. It's like, not judging the judgmental phase. Yeah. Not judging judgment. Yeah. Correct. Yeah. I I just find that this is this work is so fascinating, and, obviously, in the book. I wanna come back to this, mh writing the book, the belief that you talked about, this limiting belief. Now this is a great. This is almost like the perfect example talk about how to down a limiting belief because Yeah this has happened just recently with you writing the book. Now the belief again was that you needed to be older to write this book. Do you know where this belief came from? Where did this come from no I'm pretty sure I made it up? That's breeze was, you know, it was... I have this thing. I do have this belief, And III would say it. Comes from, my lineage. So my mom's Filipino and my dad's Australian, and Filipino, women are typically more subs. And my in terms of my family, my mom, she stopped nursing to be at home with me and my brother, and my dad went out to work. So for me growing up, I was kinda like, right. So the feminine, they don't really... You know, they don't do much. I didn't value my mom's role in life. It really didn't not until recent years, really when I became a bonus mom, and I was like, fuck me, my mom is the best human ever. Ever. She gave his love. She made the house warm, etcetera. Right? But I did, I grew up with that belief. And so I've always thought from this limited part of me, permission. Permission. I need permission from the masculine to go and do this. I remember when I earned... Like, a I remember looking at my bank account 1 day and there was a great amount of money in there. The greatest money that I've ever had. And I remember how I still can't believe it, but I'm gonna share it. I said to Steve, Do I need to let the bank know that there's this much money in there? And he's like, what do you mean? I said, am I allowed? Am I allowed to have this much money in there? And he said, yeah. Like, that's just how that's how My, you know, this real... Someone give me a permission slip. Right? I need a permission slip. So That's something that I've always been working with and also true money has been a massive thing for me in my journey because again, the feminine didn't make money. The masculine made money. So right, You gotta be masculine to make money. Let's be more masculine and I'm like, oh, my god, but I'm 7. That's to be always masculine So... Yeah... There's just there's been this permission thing, legitimacy thing that has been there that I believe I made up in my own head, based upon the way that I saw my mom and dad live Yeah. Yeah. And then so how are you able to? Because the thing is, it's happened. You've written a book and you're not in your you're not older. So there's there's evidence to suggest that belief has not has not held very strong. So was that a conscious process to to move through that belief? Or or do you think that it was unconscious and it's just all sort of manifested in this way? I believe that... So because I hadn't... I just knew there was this this knowing that in my future in my time on Earth that I will be writing books. I just knew it. It was them. I didn't also set a goal that was like, right. I have to have a book deal by. This time this time yet yada yada yet. I didn't create that. I just knew it in me. And then then I started writing my self publishing book, and I was like, okay. I could probably do it this way. And that... And I... Like, remembering that I did it that way because, no one's gonna probably wanna sign me because I'm not old enough. I'm too, you know, I'm too me. Right? That's... That was my story. I'm too me. No. No publishing company is gonna want me. Right? So finally in enough, I'm there writing my book self publishing, and there was actually another book company that reached out first. And I was like, again, Su. Su. Look at me Look at me go to talk about trust shoes. And, at the same time, so I was writing my book talking to them, that didn't go ahead. And I was like, okay. Cool. Well, I'll keep doing this, but then I got the pause button, and then penguin came in. But even before Penguin came in, there was this clear voice that said, I was I was out for a walk 1 day, and this is when I was self publishing. There was this clear voice that said by the time you're 40, and I'm turning 39 this year, you will be a full time rider and a full time speaker. And it was as clear as day. It spoke all the way into my bones and down the bottom of my feet, and I remember just going, yeah, fucking right. So, you know, that I think there was so many things happening. There were my own beliefs that were happening my limiting beliefs that were happening. There was my knowing that I... That 1 day I will be writing, you know, books in the way that I had hoped to write them with publishing companies. And then there was this, well, I'll do it my own way because no 1 will want me. You know? And then when penguin came in, So I was 38 I'm 38 when when they emailed... Actually, maybe I was 37 when they emailed. Anyway, yeah. That, like, that blew my little marble was a pot. Yeah. I think it's such an incredible little story about mh just the fact having beliefs about this and, you know, your books called authentic. And I know. So Why I long from the universe. Oh, well. Yeah. Now, I imagine the process like we spoke about earlier, you know, it's a very for me, at least, writings is a very cath experience. And I think, you know, you learn a lot about yourself at deals a lot you reflect a lot, all these kinds of things. Can you share some things that were surprising to you that came up during the process of writing your book? Yeah. The thing that would come up, it was a practice that I didn't know it was kinda gonna happen until I would sit. And it would typically be when I would go to right and my head would get in the way. What I would do is I would play... What's the song mo it's from Moan, it's the 1 that's... I have crossed the horizons to find you. I know your name. I can't remember that what the name of the song is, they have stolen the heart from side, but this is not define you. You know who you are. Right? It's called yeah. So, you know who you are. So when my head would do that and get all like, what should we right today and sound intelligent for the fucking penguin people that's seriously not my brain was working. I just went no no. And so I would put my earphones in and I would play that song and I'd rest my hands on my heart, and just this vision would come up of women reading this book. Humans reading this book, not only for women, but but women typically are my audience. And 1 would be on a holiday. 1 would be tucked up in bed with a hot cup of coffee, and they'd be reading the book. And they'd they've read a certain point and they'd close their eyes, and they'd rest the book on their chest. And a tear would roll down their face because something had unlocked them. And that coupled with the song of. You know who you are. It just went, open my heart. And I just would write. Yeah. And that unlocked my writing, that unlocked because IIII went from what's gonna sound good or what's gonna be good? What's gonna be impressive too? What does my heart have to say? Yeah. You know? And that... I mean, I had many other little, like, processes and and little tips and tricks along the way, but that Off, that got me straight in. Yep. Oh, I love that. Yep. I love that so much. And I even just when you were talking earlier about they're knowing when you're were describing the process of how this all came up as well about you knowing that you were gonna write a book. I feel like your inner voice has been so, like, even remembering back to our conversation a few years ago. You've had so many of those moments where your inner voice has just guided you in certain directions, and it sounds like it's such a strong voice as well. It is... I feel it's such a strong voice. And for people listening because this is part of being authentic. It's you you talk about listening to that inner a voice. And that there's a calling or. It's n you to go in certain directions, and maybe it seems crazy illogical or it just seems weird, sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes. What do you have to say to people who don't even know Is that my inner voice? Is that what what is that? Like, what is that? Is that? What is that? Yes. See this is where it becomes really important to know our egos and our patterns. Right? Because if we don't know our egos are our patterns, then it's hard to know the distinction between the 2 voices. Because let's I'll give you another example. So obviously, my book launches are coming up and my ego, because I know my ego very fucking well, Sneaky Little bugger. My ego is it needs to look like this and needs to be like this. We gotta make it as, you know, super successful, and it... It's just got this like bush, brute force attached to it. It's not... It's it's about looking good. And it's about what I think looks good and what looks successful. Right? So it's not connected to my heart. It's This is what's gonna look include. This is what's gonna sell yada yada yada yada yada. Very, you know, like Jack Ham, whereas, my truth, my inner voice, wow, just it just has this very clear feeling and vision of these beautiful gatherings with my community. Community in Melbourne, Long, shepard because I've got incredible community in country victoria. And I just wanna sit... I just wanna sit with people. I wanna talk the real things of life with people and have a you know, just share humanity, humanity amongst humanity, and that feels like already, I can feel it. I can feel it. It's it's it's there. And so then there's this grapple way that's too simple. It's too simple. That's too basic. That's too, you know. But then there's a grapple with... But I don't wanna brute force my way through this. I don't wanna, you know, I don't wanna, like, hustle to to try and get on channel 9 or channel 7 or channel this. Like, If I meant to end up on those platforms, I fully firmly trust and know that if that's the right thing for me, it will happen. I just know from previous times in my life when I have shoved something to prematurely, never works out. Yeah. Never works out. And so to know your ego to come back to, answering your question to know your ego and it's patents and how it typically likes to do things really is AAAA key point in starting to go Oh, okay. Well if that's my ego voice. Oh, what is this other voice? It's a little quieter. It's a bit more gentle. It's very simple. It's simplistic in what it shares. Doesn't have a whole rant and rave about things. You know, it might it might communicate with you through images through feeling. Through music. It might communicate you through song and that inspires, oh my gosh. Yes. That's how I wanna do this settle or the other. Whereas ego is You know, it is just like, we're gotta do this We're gonna do that. We're gonna have it this way We're have it that way But be better do this. We're better do that. And it's It's got up up up anxious energy where the other is rooted. Yeah. And it's simple. It's so simple. I love that description so much. And I think we can all resonate and recognize those states at least. Even if you can't recognize the voice. Recognize the states. Yep. His. You know, have a calm to that. Yeah. And then there's that that... You're talking about that heightened stage of Yep of, Yeah. So even if you can't recognize the voice. The state, I think all will tell. Amen. Amen. And then, yeah, if you start to delineate between the states, you go, okay. Well, in this state, Is there a message here for me? You know, maybe you might start getting familiar with that voice. That's a that's a beautiful. Yeah. That's a beautiful distinction. States first, possibly. Yeah. Yeah. No. I... But I love your description as well. 1 of the key things that I think would be great for people here is what are the things that they're gonna get from your book. What are the top 3 things that they're gonna get from reading authentic? What do people need to read this book. Firstly, they'll realize that this dance between the authentic self and the ego self never stops. Nor should it. Whilst you're human, this is an ongoing dance, and that's what I talk about. It's Actually talk about cult being called the forever evidence. And you hate it. Sometimes you'll accept it other times and you'll love it, and you'll be okay with it, and then you'll hate it again because, you know, each day is a new opportunity for the ego to go gonna fuck with them today. And each new day is an opportunity for your true self to for you to bring your true self forward. And that is the dance and you talk about acceptance. If we can accept that rather than thinking if I go to that guru. If I go to that coach if I go say, Doctor Joe Spencer, if I go sit in ec toll presence, then I'll be good you know? And it's just not like that. It's not like that. And there is real peace in accepting that. There is real peace in accepting that. The other thing that I think that people will will see in there is the stages of authenticity and how it is really messy. You know? So I remember when I I share in there about I sharing there about fake authenticity and how people weapon authenticity, and it's actually the ego dis disclosing themselves as their true self where they feel... People feel like they can say whatever the fuck they wanna say. And like I'm being true to myself, You can't say anything because Something being true to me. And that's just this go defensive cocky confidence. Right? Yeah. And there's a lot of people doing that. There's a lot of people doing that because with true authenticity comes bright responsibility. Great responsibility and integrity and accountability. You know? And it comes with all of those And so you you'll see in there. Oh, shit. Okay. That... That's that's fake authenticity. That's true authenticity. You start to see the I guess the way the ego very cleverly disguise itself. And makes you think. Oh, cool. I'm here. I've landed. I'm authentic. I can do what Want. I can say what I want, and I don't I don't care. I don't give a fuck. You know, it's the it's the wrong kind of fuck to give. Yes. And then I think what they'll get from there, the third point is now if through my stories that are shared in there and through my client stories, justice this. In and hope, you know, of, oh, fuck I've been there or I'm there right now. You know? Yeah. And then this hope of well if they can, Maybe I can too. Maybe I can make a little more space in my life. Maybe I can start to get more familiar with these 2 states. Maybe I can make room for this other part of myself and un myself from my ego. You know, it's it's a real invitation. This focus is an invitation. Yeah. And III just hope it. It it lands in the hands of the people who needs it. Amazing. I'm sure it will, and I I love that. I love that it's... You've described it as an invitation Mh. To explore further because it's really all it needs to be. It doesn't need to be said or team than that it. Yeah. Exactly right. Amazing. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Kat. I've so enjoyed chatting with you again and and finding out all these amazing things that you've been up to. I mean, it does feel like a long time, but I feel like you've there's been so much that has happened in this time. And and, obviously, I'm so excited and happy for you That this book is about to be released into the world and to land in the hands of people who really need to hear these words. Yeah so thank you so much for chatting today. Thank you for having me Where can people go to find all of your work. Obviously, we will pop up all the links for the pre order for the book and when the book does come out and we'll would we'll put up the penguin link because when it's released, people can get it from there. But where can people find all of your other stuff because you do such amazing content and put out so much free resources for everyone as well. Where can people go to 4. Thank you. So probably, the best place would be Instagram because if you go there, you've got a bit of insight into into me and into my post, etcetera. And then my link trade will send you to everywhere. It'll send you to different meditations. It'll send you to my website or it'll send you to my book call. It'll send you to where to get the book so that's probably a a nice landing spot for everyone. Perfect. Yeah. It's at cat john. So we'll pop that up as well in the Yes. And then, yeah. There's... You know, Cat has other things. Aside from the book There's courses and coaching and and workshops and things like that. So he can find all of that stuff up on, cats. In instagram will pop all those up. Now, thank you guys so much for listening. Tell us what you loved and learned from this episode by leaving a rating and review wherever you listen to your podcast. Screenshot this So tag us and share it to your socials. Thank you again, kat for joining me on the show. Thanks Paige. And think guys for listening we'll catch you next time on the Rachel jay Podcast.