The truth? I'm all ears. Okay. The truth. I always tell truth even when I lie. Why do you find it so hard to believe? Why do you find it so easy. It's never been easy. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You don't want the truth All I'm offering is the truth. Nothing Hello and welcome to truthful talk. I am, Marco. I'm your host. And today, we're gonna be doing things just a little different We've moved into a new studio, and we are partially set up. So I think we're set up enough to record something. And we're we're attempting to do that, but we have a new board, which is really exciting even though I'm still learning how to use it. And oh, we're also... We don't have everything set up to do the video portion yet. So for those of you who might like to watch our podcast on Youtube? You can't. We will be back. We can't. Yes. Yes. We we will be back though in the future. And that voice is the voice of Samantha, who's on with me today. My amazing and talented wife, Sam. Hello? Hi, Sam. How are you? Sam with us today because Natalie Is out on vacation this week, and so she'll be back very soon. But until then, I figured well, we'll have Sam come back on and and bless our presence and talk about who knows what? Well, I'll try to have Natalie fun energy. Natalie does have good energy She has amazing energy. And so wherever you are at, and whatever you're doing, I hope you're having fun. So, you know, 1 of the things, you know, it's been a while since like, Sam, you and I have done this. You know, on the podcast has been a few years. Yeah. I mean, because we talk every day, but... Right not in front of other people. Not in front of others and not on some sort of recorded platform. So... Yeah. But, you know, something that that would... I thought would be a good thing to talk about and to share and especially if anyone else is dealing with something similar to is over the past year, Sam been dealing with cancer recovery. Yeah. And it was about a year ago was last August. Yeah. Right? August second, I think it was when August second was the day that I noticed something different. That you noticed something. We were actually in rehearsal. For AAA theater show. And Sam and I were acting in this show and, you know, would... There was something what... A remember you yelled or you screamed and you fell how We were in rehearsal, and Natalie only was actually our director, and she was directing me, and I was yelling, then I felt, like, I had pulled some type of muscle on my neck. And when I went up to touch it, I felt this very hard lump and I thought, wow. I must have just... Pulled some type of muscle or something and something tense up. But I I sometimes think A doctor Hey. So I'm like, I'm fine. I don't have anything. I must have just pulled a muscle. Right. And you actually were. Concerned and you said, I think we should go get that checked. I'm like, it's just gonna go away in a few days. Yeah. Something about it just didn't look right. Yeah. You know? And it didn't feel right, and Was, well, why don't we just go get it checked out and get an expert medical opinion before we jump to conclusions. Yeah. Because it was a lump that was right on top of my collar bone kind of, we call that the soap dish area. You know, you can, like, sit a soap in there, and that was just right above my cla. It was... This, you ball, and it was very hard. So I had no idea what that was. And so we were in a rehearsal, and I remember saying, you, I thinking, no. We we should probably get this check out and and you you set up at an appointment like, right away. It wasn't the next day. I know which was bizarre because... Somehow we got in into see... Yeah. I mean, not thankfully we have a we we were really good doctor. And... Yeah. And so she saw us the next day. And and then that was the start of this whole thing. Now just so everyone's aware, fast forward Sam okay. Before we go into this whole journey of a story, She's okay. She's in remission right now. Yep. And and that's where we're at. So, you know, just wanna give you that So we're... You're not sitting here waiting to wonder what what the prognosis is. But at the time, of course, we didn't know. And we're going to the doctor. And, of course, you know, our doctor couldn't say everything initially. No. But looking back it's funny. How she was so quiet. And we were, like, not not that she was quiet, and we were wondering why is she... Quiet. No. She was just very... She wanted to make sure that she followed steps before she said anything. Quiet and that's what she did. I mean, she got me in so fast to get a scan done. I think it was same day. She said, I think you need to go get a scan, and she made some calls and got me in and then they found that. It was a... Yeah. You had some type of scanned on initially. Was a cats. Scan. And then they found... It was a cat scan where they inject some type of, serum inside of you. I forget what that's called right now. Contrast. Yes. A contrast scan, and I did I had a huge mass on my neck and so they needed to send me in for a biopsy. Again, I'm thinking, I just have some type of like, muscle strain. Right. Yeah. And I I'm trying to remember back. I mean, It's just there's so much that happened. So we went from there, and then, I I know... Your doctor ran some other tests on you. My blood test... The funny thing is that the... With my type of cancer, my blood test came out normal. Now I had anemia, but at the same time, I had lost, like, 60 pounds, 50 to 60 pounds, and that was actually, I was thinking, hey, cool. Like, I lost weight so fast, man. This isn't that difficult. And, yeah, come to find out that was a side effect of the cancer why it was so easy for me to lose weight. I also had different side effects that I had... Chalk up to... You can pretty much justify everything. I had severe night sweats, and I just thought, you know, but Ac gotta turn down the Ac. Right? I also had a lot of itching, but then I thought maybe I just had dry skin. So all these different things individually, you can justify. But when you put them together, then it's like, oh, I had... Oh, and I had severe fatigue. I was very tired all the time, and I just thought, well, I just worked so hard. I'm constantly, like, doing stuff that I thought it had something to do with that just being tired, but then you put them all together, and it's like, this is like, what do you call that a textbook cancer symptoms Yeah. And that was the the interesting thing is that we could justify everything. I mean the fatigue we were in the middle of putting together a theater show, and so that's a lot of work and a lot of energy, so we're both tired during that. So it's like, okay. Well, fatigue is from that. And then, of course, a the weight loss, you were on a very strict diet at the time and your exercising really. So you were attempting to was. Trying to right regulate my weight. And and so there was that. So then I we was easy to justify the weight loss with diet exercise. Right. But in a normal, I think like... Situation where someone's trying to lose weight. It's not that fast. I mean, I wish it was, but it's not So that was, I think more of the cancer eating me away. Right. Well, I mean, in Hindsight, we know that. What I'm saying is at the time, we had no idea. No idea. And it was... I just thought I found the perfect regimen. Right. Of exercise and diet. Yeah. I was like, oh, this this is all it is. Oh, I can do this. And I did it until I'm like, oh, okay. So the next step, I'm I'm it's all confused in my head, but we went from the this... Scan and then back, you had some other biopsy. Yeah. So I had something where they put a needle. And they extract... They extract a very small amount of cells and they're able to test those cells and determine what I had, but that came inconclusive. It was the the cells that they extracted, it wasn't enough, to be able to give me a diagnosis. However, they did say it was leaning towards lymphoma, which is the type of cancer I had, classic h lymphoma. But then I had to go in for surgery so they can extract the whole lymph node, which was a good, like, 3 inches in length on my cla. And then, you know, doing testing on that, they were able to determine, I had H Lymphoma, which we were suspecting, but we had no idea. And to be clear, we were suspecting because of the research we've done, not because anything we were told. No. It was I was just looking up symptoms online, and we're like, Right well, you actually thought... Anything and you even said it to me. I think you might have this. Well, I was I was pretty sure you had non h lymphoma, and it ended up being h lymphoma, which was is rare. Very rare. Right. So, yeah. I was I was in the right ballpark, but, you know, of course, you don't wanna ever jump to conclusions because it could have been so many other things. Yeah. And I still was like, I don't think, so I'm pretty sure it's just a muscle that got that's pulled in there in the Ct scan there. That's what they're seeing. I honestly had no idea. I wasn't in denial completely. Because they did the the needle biopsy, but then they had to do additional biopsy. See, which is where they removed the entire lymph node, that's when they finally determined exactly what it was. Right. And then after that... See so they wanna know what stage of can't. And this is all very new to us. I mean, I'd never really been exposed to cancer before you were because of your your father passed away from cancer. I was, but it was a different type and, you know, it it's all it's all a different process. Yeah. It's So... And that was also 20 something years ago. Yeah. Right. So it changes. So in order to... Like, I was, like, well, how do I know what stage of cancer, like, what does that even mean What are the different stages? And so they send me in to do something called the pet scan, which is a full body scan. And that they do inject the... Like, some type of sugar substance into you And radioactive. Yeah. And it lights up where the cancer, so I had it on my chest and in my lymph fat system, which was, yeah, up on my neck, and then in my chest, so that determined I was stage 2 cancer, which is it's... I I feel like in that moment when I found out, I I don't know if I went until, like, an autopilot mode. I went... I was like, okay. So like, what next? Like, does this mean I have to get chemo and ut I don't even know what that meant. Yeah. It was it was a big shift in our lives at that point of everything we were going through. I mean, of course, we had to... Tell the family and talk to our kids. I was terrified. I mean, I was crying when I was telling our kids I was scared. I had no idea what that meant. But, we didn't know. No We didn't want. You know, we didn't know what it meant. And, you know, meanwhile, I'm still, you know, we still have... A school to run. We still have a theater show that was going on. And you went. Let's just put this out there because I don't know if people know this side of it. You went through a very dark time. Yeah. Privately. I with us with me. Well, because in the unknown period prior to diagnosis, it, you know, to me, It could have been non h lymphoma, which would have been best case scenario, for me, but have I've also could have been some kind of breast cancer was runs in your family. Right. That then meta to lymph fat system. And if if that was the case that was not good news. Right. And so, yeah, you know, when when you're in... When you're sitting in that unknown period of just waiting to find out. Is something good news or bad news. So, you know, the mind starts wandering and, yeah know, you start thinking about well, what if? Because the crazy thing is I was comforting you during that time and you're like, what are you like... It's it's the other way around, and I'm like, yeah, but I'm fine. And you're like, but what if you're not? And be. Yeah. Well, it was tough. It was a, yeah. It was a very, very dark dark dark moment that we had to navigate through while still running a school and directing actors and putting on a show and and doing all of those things. You know, you know, and of course, did we have to do that? I mean, I you know, I guess in in life, you could always walk away, but it it to me the art kept me centered. Yeah. You know, working with my students and working with actors and working with all of that actually kept me going and kept me centered and gave me something to be hopeful and it's inspired by versus, just sitting alone going down a dark tunnel because your just waiting. Yeah. You know, and your mind just keeps working and working if you're not actively doing something. So, yeah. So I mean, I was lucky to have the art that helps me through all that, because that was that was rough. Yeah. It was pretty rough. Especially the unknown of, like, okay. I'm gonna have to start. I'm gonna have to get chemo? And what does that mean? What is Chemo body? Like, what does that look like? So the chemotherapy was was the treatment for the type of cancer. And radiation was not. Radiation was not because with radiation, it's so specific on... If you have a type of cancer where they can... Pin, like, focus on and pinpoint it, then they can use the radiation to try to zap it. But because it was in my chest, They didn't wanna use radiation because radiation can then cause breast cancer or some other type of cancer, but because it was on my chest, they didn't wanna do it on my chest. To avoid in the future me possibly developing breast cancer especially because it's in my family. And I already have to I already have to get yearly ultrasound of my breast. Right. Just preventative, but Yeah yeah. So, yeah. So then the next step was chemotherapy. Of course, this all happening so fast. You know? No. That that was the weird thing It was all just... It went... Because this... We happened in August, and then I'm trying to think of timelines And of September I started Chemo, like it was all very, very fast. And so in... Temper is also when I begin my new semesters. I have a new semester at truth acting. We have, my new semester at the university. We have... So there's all of the new semesters of school starting. Your mom was very sick at the time. My mom was very sick at the time towards trying to deal with that. Our kids are, you know, starting their new, you know, school year. There's just so much going on And, you know, there's just times in life where I think you're just not fully prepared for what's what's coming up. But at the same time, we're capable of dealing with it. Yeah. Because somehow we adjusted everything, didn't really drop... The only thing we really dropped off the radar was the theater. We had to put the theater. We had to, you know, just kind of stop production of things in the theater. Just until we get back. We're still this theater is still dormant. Yeah. Now almost a year later. It's just difficult because of the mindset, like, mentally, I wasn't in any state obviously. I have to deal with my health to try to even think about putting up another show or having other people, like, because it's like, oh, well, maybe you can continue the theater and put up another show and run another show. But your mind was just on me That whole time plus, you had to pick up a lot of the Slack of certain things that I take care of. Right. That I handle because I wasn't able to. A lot of household things, kid things, of yeah, you know, all all of that. So you became, like mister mom, dad. I mean, you were everything. Caretaker? And plus, I wanted to make sure I was available to go to every single 1 of your doctor appointments. You didn't miss 1, not 1 appointment, not 1 session. I mean, I love you so much for that. There's a lot of people that are that are not that fortunate and have to do that at alone. So I'm very grateful for you. You were right there by my side every single moment. Was not going to leave your side. I think that helped me so much. You know, and the interesting thing though is as we went through the the chemo, which we can talk about in a minute. So in case anyone is dealing with something like this, you can have some point of insight, at least from our point of view. But the 1 thing we tried to do was to find the light in all of it. And I remember going to the hospital, you know, for the Chemo sessions and the everything else. We is we were practically, like, that was like, a second home to us. We were there all this time. But it was like, okay. We're gonna turn these into dates. Yeah. 1 of my favorite memories honestly is being in the hospital with you and going to the cafeteria. Before before my chemo. Yeah. Actually, my chemo was really early in the mornings. I was doing them around 07:30, I think, and we were there to, like, noon. Yeah. It was about a 4 hour ish. Process. 4 chemo, like, appointments that I had, we would go to the cafeteria I need together, and that was really special and that was really sweet. Yeah. But the hospital was our date. Yeah. Because we were there a lot. Mh. We were there together. And Yeah. Even if I was sick and felt, like, throwing hung up, we were still there together. So then we started the process of chemo. Now the chemo was 12 treatments. I wanna say it was 12 treatments over it was twice a month Yeah. 6. So it's about months 6 months. Mh. And so you get infused? And Sam had, 4 different chemo drugs. Yep. It's called ab b d. So 4 different drugs on that do 4 different things. And, yeah. Where you going with that? Well, just explaining what what you had, What your treatment was. Yeah. Sorry my mind. I'm... So I have this thing just so you guys... No, like brain fog. It's really bad. They call it chemo brain when you're on chemotherapy, but it's affected me beyond, which maybe normal. Yeah. It's very, very normal where My mind just kinda goes blank and I don't know what's happening. So I have to regroup And Yes. It's almost like you have a limited short term memory. Yeah. Where certain things happen, and then you... You're not even too sure what was just said or No I completely lose my train of thought. And then I don't know what I was saying. But... Yeah. Okay. So going back, my treatment was Ab b and before before they... They do... Before you get treatment, you have to go through like, several tests just to make sure Like, I had to have my lungs checked, my heart checked. So many things right because... Yeah. Because chemo is such a... Of, like, it's it's attacking. Your body. So you have to make sure your body strong enough to be able to handle it. Right. And my immune system was really, really low. So what happens is your white blood cells and your red blood cells are really low and you're prone to all types of infections at that point. So 1 of the things is, like, don't be around other people don't be in large groups, you know, make sure your masks if you go to the store because what might not make you sick when you're around someone that they're immune compromised, I can get sick and it. I can die. Right. So my cell count was very, very low, plus the anemia. And so that just... It's really scary. Like, I... I got a little bit paranoid where I was afraid of even when my kids were come home from school, to come say, hi to me in the room. I was like, have you've been around people, like, stay away from me, because I don't wanna get sick. I'm so scared. Right. We had to semi quarantine you. Right. In the bedroom we. 1 of the cool things we did. We converted our master bedroom into almost like a a hotel suite. Type of thing. We wanted to make sure. Yeah. We wanted make sure we had everything just in this 1 room where Sam could be comfortable. Like a mini fridge, and we had a nice Tv and just just things almost almost like a hotel where she didn't necessarily have to leave that room so we could send quarantine her in the house. Yeah. Which was important. Now 1 of the things before you get chemo or at least in in this case, is Sam had to go under another surgery to have something installed called a port, and a port isn't... Access thing, which is in your upper chest that connects into the artery in your neck. And it's under the skin but it's... It then pro out. Like you can see it. And what it does is it allows the doctors and and nurses, direct access where they can then that's where they put the needle. And that's where they they can... They can draw blood from it, and then they can inject the chemotherapy into it. It's an easier access versus going into your veins and going into other things, you know, during the process. And Right. Because there's so much... There's so many needles that they... Like, it's too much. So I guess, They develop this port device, which is a lot easier for them to access it because that's where they go to draw blood. They do the chemo, everything through that port. Because it's, like he said it's... It has a tube that's connected to your main artery that goes into your heart. So it goes... So the medicine goes... Straight to your heart. I absolutely hate hate hate my port. Yeah. And having it access. I I much rather than go into my vein on my arm and use different areas and go into my port. It hurts. It really no. It it it it hurts going in. But It's uncomfortable. Well I know. It hurts, but it's not just that You can literally feel... Oh, at least me. I can feel the medicine going in. I can feel... The saline flush. I can taste it. It's it's it makes me so... It made me so sick and so nauseous. And then they give you a a ton of anti nausea medication when you're gonna get chemo because chemo does make you very nauseous, so they give you a high dose of 2 different nausea medicines. It's... I mean... Yeah. I mean, well, it's imagine the feeling of not having those 2 anti nausea medicines because it's... It was so bad. I was so sick. A lot of the times I would just try to sleep because I just wanted it to be over. 2 you feel so sick when that medicine is going inside of you. So in in this process, you have the port the port allows them to have direct access, which even though it it hurts and I definitely understand what you're saying with that, but it's necessary. I mean, these are the necessary things. Right. That you have to go through. And if any of you out there have to go through it, please don't be alarmed by having to get. It's a very important thing Right. That that is is needed, and it it just gives... Because your veins in your arms and everything else may not be... Accessible the way they needed to be or they were explaining, you know, different reasons for it, but they just... They need to have that access when you go in for chemotherapy, you can be laying back and sleeping or resting and and they can and access it. And when they access it, they come in, they access this this butterfly thing. They they put in this needle, and then it just stays there, and then they they cook up the different chemotherapy. As they go on and it goes into this 1 port. It's definitely more convenient. I I can completely understand it's definitely more convenient. And that's just my experience. I've talked to other people where. They don't even... It doesn't bother them at all or they don't feel the the the medicines going in. I guess it just depends on your body and what you can feel or don't feel, but I felt I felt it. But I know, like, cancer... I mean, chemo feels like a monster. Right? Like, oh, my God. These are horrible drugs, but those are... The cancer is actually the monster. Right. The chemo is what kills that monster. So the chemo, even though it makes me feel so bad, it's actually helping me. Yes. And that was a type of, like, mindset that I needed to switch and understand like, even though this Chemo making me so sick. It's what's actually curing me. Right. And that's just... It's a bizarre thing because you're feeling so bad and But that is... It's Yeah. It's just a weird thing. Because, of course, you you... Well, we we got... We went every every other Monday. Yeah. And the reason why they don't do chemo weekly is because, chemo does attack your immune system. So your immune system's is already low when you get chemo, it brings it even lower. So they need... For your body to recover and start, like, going up, and then they hit you with the chemo again, and then it goes down, That's why it's every other. Because if not your body, if it was weekly, your body wouldn't have enough time to come back up in order to receive the medicine again. Because if you're if your blood counts are too low, they can't give you the chemo. Because yeah. Yeah. And just doesn't work. And we ended up getting onto a routine because we... You know, the first week was weird in discovery and... A second week was like, okay, Is this gonna be a pattern by the third fourth mean not weak by the third fourth time. We're realizing, okay. There are some patterns. So we would go on a Monday morning. Day of chemotherapy, you'd be really down, like, out. Right out. Like, yeah, the same day. Then I would start to not feel better, but I can function better day 234. Right. Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday. And then Friday, it was like Friday you would right you would drop. Yeah. I would go right back down and have, like, 5 really bad days. And it was... Yeah. We saw that it started becoming pattern. So I knew... Oh. Right. Like, Friday through Monday, Friday through Tuesday, would be, like, this this really... That would be the worst days It would be the worst. And then pattern and then the Wednesday... And then after that, I would start going back up, and then then then Monday, again, boom keep running. So the weekend, both... Or the chemo, then you were feeling okay. Yeah. That's when we took advantage of doing anything we needed to to do together. Or eating something that I really wanted to eat because... Chemo does make you so nauseous that it's so difficult to eat. So I found that when I was right before leading up to getting chemo. It's like, okay. If I'm gonna eat something, like, this is this is my time to eat. And that was the other thing too is that... Is they said, okay. Now that you're on chemo. You you really be careful about bacteria. Don't eat out in restaurants unless you get something that's really well cooked, but they didn't really want you out in public anyway. Right. And then avoid salads avoid fruits avoid. Raw foods really. Yeah. Any raw foods avoid sushi avoid... You know, anything that could carry bacteria where someone who's healthy would very easily just just Body process. Right. Body processes it. You don't even know, but when your immune systems that low, even the smallest thing could could affect you in leave something happen because I did eat out of place that. Had kale, salad, and I just completely forgotten in that moment, which is crazy? How are you gonna forget that? But I forgot and I ate the kale salad, and I got so sick. Yeah. I mean, I was throwing up. It was really bad. And this is what happens when you don't take the doctor's advice. And decide that. No, it's gonna be okay. It's like, well, if they're telling us that, we should... There's a there's a reason we should probably listen to what they're saying. And I'm I'm so bad at listening the doctors. But we got into a 3 good routine. And for that 6 months, somehow, we were able to manage and and get through that. While, you know, dealing with all the facets of a family, while dealing with running a school, while teaching at the university. Yeah. Well, you know, you had so many ups and downs through the whole thing. But even with all that, I honestly don't think I processed the fact that I had cancer until after. Yeah. Which is what they say. They say when you're going through a trauma, especially like cancer, you're so busy. Right. That you're just looking at the next appointment, the next thing or, you know, you're feeling... Just going with the motion. You're just going through it, trying to get through the next thing. And then all of a sudden, earlier this year, were done with chemotherapy, and now it's post chemo And, of course, you're still feeling bad. Yeah. I finished chemo end of February, and we're in July. Right? Yes. So 5 months later. And, I mean, they they say it takes about a year or more to recover from after chemo, like body body. Yeah. But it's incredible because after I finished Chemo, I started having so many different things, like, my body was going through. That I'm not gonna go as far as to see, I feel worse, but definitely, I realized how much chemo takes a toll on your body. They say it ages you 10 years. Physiological. And and physically, like my bones I'm feeling arthritis in my hands, like, I can't make fist, my my hands to this day every morning when I wake up, our stiff and they're open and I can't make a ball in and if I try to close my fist, you can see you can see the pressure on my hands my knees hurts, so it's and it's crazy because I've... My whole life have been so strong. I'm, like, I some... I used to think I was like super woman. I can lift a table and I could. I would do stuff like that. I was... I actually was really proud of how strong I was. Yeah. And now to open a water bottle, I have to ask, Mark and that's so humbling because I just don't have the strength. And I just know it takes time to recover but... Yeah. And I think that's the thing is that when you're going through it, you have the... Rationalization and the idea that you're going through cancer you're going through chemo so you're supposed to feel bad. But when you're done, The expectation is I'm supposed to be better. So when you're not, it hits you even even more. Yeah. And it's heart. It's really hard because people are like, oh you're done with Chemo, you know, you're fine now, and it's like, I'm not fine. Yeah. It's all. I think right. We almost like that we don't wanna tell people we're done with Chemo because there... There's this expectation from the outside now that owe everything's okay, and it's not yet. Oh, it's definite it's definitely not. I mean, mentally, emotionally, I've gone through so many roller coasters. Feelings and, you know, the fear of am I okay? Can I develop some other type of cancer? Will it come back? I have to have the port in for a year. So I can't have a removed to, like, next March, and that's in the in... You know, they do that just in case something comes up. Yeah. My test. To me, that's a good thing. Yeah. I'd rather be proactive instead of like, get this thing out of me and then something does happen. Like, you know, they... Obviously, they've come to that conclusion. So from years of research. Right. I was saying, nope. We remove it, and then no Making cancer comes back, so we we need to make sure that that we can react if it does. Yeah. It makes total sense. It makes total sense. But there is this You know, it's very similar to postpartum depression. Oh, a hundred percent. You know, exactly the same, but with... Right. Yeah. You're dealing with something dealing with something dealing with something and you're so consumed with dealing with whatever that is that your your mind is distracted enough not to to focus. It's post cancer depression for sure. I don't know if that exists. I haven't looked that up, but that to me makes a lot of sense. I had Pc. Yeah. What... Right. When you're done with the trauma, and now you're in recovery, now your mind actually has time to process. Everything you went through. Yeah. And because of my age, chemo pretty much, I think threw me into menopause because I'm having all types. Of on top of everything that the chemo did, I'm having all these side effects of menopause, which is huge, and I don't think people talk about that much or there's not that much information Oh, It's not readily readily available or spoken about so much, which is menopause and how it affects women at my age. Because in that depression is a part of it as well. So Yeah. Yeah. Mentally, it's been tough. So if any of you are going through something or knows a family member of friends that are going through something, especially like a cancer or some sort of treatment, just know that the depression and the the mental state of things, it typically can be better during the process than after. It's after the process is done, meaning after they finished chemotherapy or the treatment or anything else, that's when people need help. They need someone to talk to. They need to just... They just need to process it. And sometimes that can that can take a while. So just be be sensitive to that. Yeah. And a big thing for me was my hair. Like, knowing and the thought of it am I gonna lose my hair? And what am I gonna look like and that was very very scary for me. But once you start losing your hair and then you realize how much it's falling off. Like, I understand why people say, shave it before it starts falling off because that way, you don't have to deal with having these lumps of hair falling. And I waited as long as I could because I'm like, I'm gonna I'm gonna wait as long as they could, but then you're hair. I I looked so stupid. My hair was so thin. And I'm like, I'm just gonna shave it, and it was cool. We had it... It was, like, a family thing. You did a family event with that. Yeah. And they all took part, my kids and shaved my hair. 1 of the kids took like, were able to cut a piece of your hair. Yeah. And and shave it. And shave it. Took And now I'm like, my hair is growing back and it's going back super curly, which I didn't have curly hair before. And now my hair is, like, really thick and curly. And I've think I've been called Sir a few times, which is kind of it's fine. Well, you... You're at that stage. I'm at that stage where. I I don't really wanna be seen because I look like toad from... From Mario from Mario. Yeah. I have, like, this hair. On top of my head that doesn't wanna, like, sit flat. So I look like Jerry seinfeld filled in... Yeah. That's what I That's what I actually look like. I looked like Seinfeld. Seinfeld from the show, like, when he was in the night. Yeah. The show in the nineties. I got that weird hair. So... Yeah. And that was something that... I mean, that is also difficult to deal with. Sure. I mean, it feels great when you shower. I'll give you that much. I've always wondered what guys felt like with having short hair, and I'll tell you what it feels pretty good. But it's growing back. It's growing back. It looks good. Yeah. Love. It's said love me. I do. But it it it does. I mean... I I know if you're comparing it to what your hair used to be, but your hair was a different color. It was. It was long. Yeah. So it's... Right now in process. Right. And I actually don't wanna diet it or do anything to it because I wanna see what it does naturally. Oh, you had your natural color in a since I was like a 15 major. Yeah. Yeah. Since I was a 15. We'll see. Maybe I grow some really cool lu long locks maybe. So so at this point, so we're beyond the chemo we're we're several months away, Sam had another pet scan post chemo, which is what they zoo it say, okay, where are we? And that pet scan showed, It was clear of cancer. Yep. So it did not show any traces. Whoop whoop. And now it's kind of a waiting game. We go in every 6 weeks to have something done and, you know, reevaluate and and there's gonna be another scan in the future. And really right now, it's just kind of being as preventative as possible and and hoping it stays away. But the interesting thing is I... You know, we weren't prepared for this. And I don't know if you can be prepared for this, but in my own mind, I always thought if, you know, if if somebody and our family was gonna get something it would be me. Just, I'm I'm older, you know, being a male that it typically would get some some type of cancer. So you know, a knock on wood with that, but it... It's... That's when all of a sudden, with Sam at such a young age and, you know, and not having this in your family and not having at least this type of cancer in your right because it's not this this type of cancer is not something that, like runs in the Dna. Right. And they don't even know where it comes from our how it's developed. Right. It just appears. Mh. So, you know, it just... It it... Caught us completely off guard, and which fast things do as life does. But I will say if you're having any type of symptoms and I'm not, like, trying to freak anybody out there. But my first symptom thinking back on it was itching, I was very itchy Like, I would wake up very itchy on my stomach, and I didn't have a rash of any like, at all, but I was very itchy, and I didn't know why It I was itchy, but then I again, old, dry skin. Right? Which I guess, is for this type of blood cancer. Yeah. Common. Yeah. Like, my chest was very itchy for some reason. Yeah. I I think it's important to if you have any sort of symptoms, Go just go get them checked out. Let's go get them checked out. Just never know and, you know, do as much preventative. So stuff as you can. Right. But do you have any advice to, like, anyone that's either starting to deal with this or going through it or what advice would you give? Listen. I I don't wanna give any cliche answers because that's what most people do is oh, it's you know, you're gonna be okay. And we really don't know. You really don't know. And even if you have a type of cancer like mine that is treat. And I'll tell you what, At least this type of cancer, you hear a lot of people say, oh well, if you're gonna get a cancer, like let it be H lymphoma because that's the c 1. And that sounds great, but that's the last thing anybody that has cancer wants like, we don't wanna hear that. Cancer is cancer. Yeah. It's I'm like, oh, I'm so glad you have this type of cancer. This is the best cancer. No. All cancer sucks. Yeah. Nobody wants to have it. When and I and I understand that's people like, trying to make you feel better. So my advice support, man, just be around people that love you, and that can just hold your hand. Because sometimes you don't wanna be told anything. You just want somebody to be there with you. Yeah. And so if you know anyone going through it, your job isn't to make anything better. You don't have to fix anything. Your job is not to fix anything, let the doctors do their course of whatever they're going through, but just be there. Just be there because I know even the things that I was feeling, I would tell Marco the same thing all the time every day. I'm nauseous. I'm not feeling well. My bones hurt. I'm swollen the medicine. And I'm telling him the same thing all the time because I was having all these symptoms and, you know, maybe internally by the hundredth time I said, and he was probably rolling his eyes. I know. I know you're not feeling well, I know yours... Swollen. And I know you're nauseous. But he never once made me feel like that and just would hold my hand or hug me and say, I'm sorry. I understand. I'm. What you're going through. Yeah. Just have just... Yeah. Because we can't fix it. No. Sorry I mean, you know, that's what we have the doctors for and the science and the medicine, and and, you know, we we did that and hopefully that works. But there are some things we can't. And when I say we can't fix it, I mean, obviously, do your research do is... Do whatever you you can to set it, you know, if you're not going through it and someone else's is get satisfy your own curiosity in your need, but it's... I what I find is when we're trying to force goodwill on someone else. It's like, oh, we want you to feel better. It's going to be okay. It's like, no. Don't don't say it's going to be okay. Because you don't know. And we don't really know. Right. It's it is a process and they're, you know, someone that's going through something like this is is dealing with a lot. The best you could do is be there and just give your love, give your support as a friend as a family member, whatever that is, just just just being with someone can do that. Yeah. And regardless how they look, because sometimes my energy might be good, but I'm not... Feeling necessarily so well. I was like, oh, you look so good. Yeah. Thank you. That doesn't necessarily mean. I feel good, but we... Like, you just have to push through it. I guess. Well, and sometimes you're faking it. I mean, you're out in public, which Right, I know through the process you rarely did, but then the rare occasion you go out in public, You... Well You try to put on that strong face and you put on that that persona, and then everyone's like, oh, my god... You look great. You're doing so well and It's like, yeah. Yeah. Behind closed doors, but Right. Yeah. It's it's a it's it's an interesting process to go through. Yeah. It just messes with your head a little bit. And I'm being super honest. I'm not trying to be a debbie downer here. I'm literally just explaining my process and how I felt. I... But I'm... You know what? I'm really appreciative of so many people that reached out to me and that were, very... People that I didn't even expect. We had great support through the Would reach out My gosh. We have so many great students, and I really... I'm so blessed and I... I mean, there were students that I had just met. Before finding out I had cancer and saw them once or twice, and during my whole process, they were there like as far as just reaching out and saying, hey. I just wanna check in, sending you love just like that. Yeah. And it was it was so sweet, and it really did mean a lot. So something as simple as that just reaching out and saying sending you love. Right. Thinking about you. Things like that can can go really quick because I know that really do tend a lot to. That means more when you send somebody a message When you know someone is going through something, and you send them a message saying, something like, hey, I know you're going through a lot right now. I'm just letting you know I'm thinking about you. That means more than, hey, How are you? Because how are you opens up? Like, I'm feeling a lot of things? Like, what am I supposed to say, I'm fine. You know Like I'll have the time energy because I don't have know. Right. I don't have the time to explain it. So, I'm good is just my response. So the the thought of love of sending love feels and you just feel it really more deep? Nice. Nice. And, you know, in today's... Episode. I know we're, you know, we normally come on here and we're we're... Yeah, the goal is to be somewhat inspirational or somewhat I don't know. Informative, who knows what were we're talking about, and it usually around the arts. This was a little bit of a diversion of the arts, but as artists, both Sam and myself, it... This was a diversion, you know, life does get in the way. Yeah. And as an artist and as a human being life gets in the way, and we're always going to be dealing with those things. And for me right now, it's still scary because I'm not, like, past it. Like... I do said design. I love said design. I love working with my hands. Anybody that knows me knows I love working with my hands and being creative. And you know, I sit in widow wands, and I and With a knife and I grab a branch outside, and I'll make a wand out of out of a stick of wood, and I can't do that, and I haven't been able to do that because my hands are hurt. And it's scary because you don't know a Am I gonna get back to that? It's it's as if you you work with your voice every everyday teaching. Right? It's as if something happens to your vocal. Cords and you're not sure if you're ever gonna be able to, like, teach again. That's scary. So for me it's, my hands. Like, am I ever gonna be able to hold a knife again and, like, whittle a a stick. Right. Yeah. And it's... That's the unknown. It's the unknown. We're in right now. Right. And, you know, in in the theater, yeah. We had to... We were in the middle of a, black box short play production, last summer, we finished that production, even going through everything we were going through. We finished that. But then we had to temporarily, shut down the theater. Meaning for the... For a year, we decided okay. We're gonna close the doors on theater on the edge, while Sam recovers because Sam is a huge part. And I say a huge part. It's without Sam, I don't know how the theater functions. So it's it's 1 of those things where we did have to put something down. While we were dealing with this. And then at some point, hopefully later this year, we'll see how we feel will pick up something for the theater and maybe get some of that going again for the art. But I guess I say all that because there are times in life where we do need to set things down. Even things we're passionate about to deal with things that are more urgent or important. Yeah. And that's okay. And that's okay. Yeah... We kept the school running you know, I still maintained teaching at the university. I mean, we still there's certain things we kept going, all of our kids extracurricular activities. We... Still maintained. Oh, yeah. I mean, life is on. Yeah. So we tried to maintain life as much as we could, but the reality was something had to give in order for us to deal with this new thing and what was that? And so and for us, it was the theater, And so we we put the theater into kind of a dormant state, and then we'll be looking to come back to that. Once things settle down a little more. And I think that's that's just a good lesson for life. Sometimes we need to put some things down deal with what we need to deal with, and then we come back to it later when we can. Right. My love of it is still there. Oh, sure. Of course. Right? Heard love a theater and I love of everything that we're gonna do and we'll get back to it. Yeah. For sure. But we we need to finish the recovery. Yeah. We're still mid recovery of the cancer. Yep. So hopefully, you know, if any any of you out there are dealing with any of these things, you know, we... We... Are our har goes out to you, we we understand how difficult that can be. And it seems like nowadays... You know, when Sam was diagnosed with this, it seems like just about everyone we knew at least knew somebody else that was either going through it has gone through it, was just starting to deal with it. You know, in all different stages. And so just be a little mindful, you know, in in today's age, we're we're very... Quick to anger. We're quick to division. We're quick to so many different things. And and I think we just need a little more love, in in our daily lives and treating people well and treating people with respect and and treating people with kindness. Treating people with kindness. We just... We never know what people are going through. Nope. And I think with that, I think we've reached the end to Yeah. I think I think that was that was it For... Unless you have anything else you'd like to any parting words we wanna leave. No. I mean, this is pretty vulnerable to put out there, but, I mean, I did I did do a tiktok, and I and I did kinda follow my journey on there. That was... I thought that was great. I made so many friends from so many different places around the world that... We would chat about it because there were people that were going through the same thing that I was able to relate to and really, the only people I wanted to talk to in that moment That was the, I think the positive side of social media is you were able to document as you were going through it, you were recording like your chemo sessions and doctor's appointments. I mean, Sam kinda of recorded it, and created a tiktok out of it, put it out there every week or it was constantly. Yeah. And I'm so bad about putting things online. I don't wanna. Don't look at my face. I don't wanna be out there, but I did it. I thought it was important. And if nothing else to me, it was important for the future. Like, when I'm a little old lady, I can go back and be like, oh my god. Remember. When I did these tiktok, and I had cancer. Well, so many people thank you for it, and you've reached out to you and you were talking to people that were going through. So many people. Nice to have that support group. So that was the positive for sure of social media. You know, and it's a way of, you know, a new form of art, which is social media art and the your videos and all of that really was helping people. Yeah. Yeah. I am a firm believer in tiktok. Yeah. And the positive that it can... I mean, it helped me so much. I'm at so many people. We connected. III learned a lot from other people stories. So please don't take Tiktok away. Yeah. So, alright. I, on that note. We will conclude this episode, but thank you all so much for for listening. Natalie will be back. Very soon, and we'll get back to talking about acting and some other things, but we thought this was a very important topic especially since I had Sam on, back on with me today, I just thought it was too important to to overlook. So hopefully, you get something out of it or if you know someone that's that's dealing with it, please share this episode with them. It's just it's just too important to... To let go. Yes. Thank you. Bye. Samantha, thank you so much for being here with me. As always. I love you. Oh, I love you too. You're my lobster? And, and hashtag friends. I appreciate that. Alright, everyone. We will see you again soon. Remember to treat yourself with kindness. And we'll be back soon. If you'd like to learn more about our studio and what we do you can find us online at truthful acting dot com. And check out truthful acting online dot com for our learn at home at your own pace courses. So what I told you was true? Promise of point of view. You're brushed learn what you have begun? Know what you're trying to do. Trying to free your mind, but I can only show you the door. You're the 1 that has to walk through.