Welcome to Mentored. This is Carson, and if you're just tuning in, may I encourage you first to listen to in memory of Martin on your podcast listing. In this episode, you will be hearing the voice of my friend and c host even though he died unexpectedly on 01/08/2024. Martin and I had pre recorded an entire year of episodes So the advertisements and announcements you will hear regarding Martin are now not applicable. But we rejoice at having captured his voice and his wisdom. Now as Martin would desire, let's start the music. Who doesn't love that means? Oh, I know. Welcome to mentored, join 2 professional. Carson Pug and Martin Sanders as they provide straight talk and wisdom to fellow leaders. Their approach is no nonsense, practical and focused on helping you become a better leader in all aspects of your life. Together, we'll gain valuable insights and actionable advice from these season. So now, here's our episode. And when we come into this episode, I... It's a real encouragement to me when you don't drink water. Well, I'm talking. I shall never. Yeah. Hey, that was my subtle segue into the fact that we're gonna talk about encouragement today. And just the importance of it the power of it. What do we know about encouragement? What where does the word come from? If you look at it, just at face value, it's got courage in it. Mh. But if you just do a little bit of searching original language stuff in various places. I mean, it's got it's rude in French. Mh. The actual word is to make strong or to heart. Mh The heart thing is what gets picked up cross culturally and in multiple languages globally, that aspect of strengthening once heart. Yeah. Core. French heart. Mh. So en courage is into the heart. To strengthen the heart. Well, all of us need that. All of us need someone to speak into our lives and to bring encouragement to us. When you've lost perspective, when you're not trusting anymore, It's that moment when somebody can bring a word to you that will just help to bring that. Bring perspective, build trust again. And since we're talking about mentored, I was a young leader in my twenties, guy probably 50 good evangelist and larger church, and I said to him. I don't think I'm cut out to be a senior leader. Mean, I only been at it 2 years. Mh just way harder than I anticipated trying to turn an organization around. And he said, Martin, and I'm not even gonna listen to this. I'm not gonna bring you on my team. You've got what it takes. It's just harder than you into paid it. Mh. If in 3 more years, you still feel like this we'll have another conversation but he goes, you have what it takes. Right. To lead. Now lead. When I was a young man, I would occasionally be given the opportunity to preach at our church. And I had an uncle who is a larger than life person, Uncle Charlie, and our family is filled with stories about Uncle Charlie. But after I had spoken at the church for the very first time, he came up to the front afterwards, and he took my shoulders. And he helped me and he looked me in the eye and he said, you are a very good speaker. And that coming from my uncle Charlie have a whole different weight to it that I received that as just such a great encouragement in my life. And there's seldom when I'm going through a year, and I I get the opportunity to speak in lots of places now I'm grateful for that word of encouragement when I was 15 or 16 years old. I wanna clarify cushion because This is different than affirmation. Yeah. The encouragement is actually the language of the heart, and that's not just the softer thing. It's... It's at it's root form. Mh. If we can put with this, you Google it and says, what's the word that the bible would use for this? It's the identical word to the holy spirit. Para para. Yeah. Someone who comes alongside who strengthens. Mh. And it's the strength and. It's so hard. It is. Yes. It's the encourage. Absolutely. Yeah. In scripture, the comfort air. It talks about the comfort which has the same route to what we're talking about. But let me go back. I'm thinking about uncle Charlie right now. Like, why was uncle Charlie word to me, so much more meaningful than if missus Brown had come up who encourages everybody every day. We receive encouragement different from different people. What what is that? Absolutely. Words matter differently from different people. Their words carry more weight. So if it's somebody that you regard, somebody that you have trusted. It just means more. We know that with all of the words of the heart, if it's love, You don't need everybody to love you. You just need a few of the most significant people for you To love you and and let you know that. Encouragement the same thing. 2 people can say the same words. It just means completely different. Amount and hits a different level of actually penetrating heart and giving you strength courage. I'm thinking right now about 3 people in my life who every time they see me, they lead off with a word of encouragement. But when I when I don't even like I don't even like that I said word of encouragement because, I feel like they've just come out of some sort of a master class on how to have a conversation or how to sell me something. I feel like I'm being sold something because they come up and they go Carson, you look like you've lost a lot of weight or or you're really looking good today, and I've... So it's the lead off thing. Then I have antenna now that just go... Yeah. I'm not receiving that. And without being either critical or cynical. No. Could we be critical in cynical just for a little bit. Just let it linger a little longer. The key it's not believable. Feels like... That's that's the word. It feels like it's learned to behavior, putting it on. I don't wanna do analysis of them. But I actually say talk to me, like, both of us are real people. Yeah. Unbelievable. That is the word for me because when I hear it, it has no g sauce to lingering with me in any way, like, true encouragement does. So with Uncle Charlie, I received that. It had a g toss, like, 50 years later, I'm still thinking about it. And it was authentic. Really his words carried way. Yep. It mattered to you. In in all likelihood, he spoke with absolute authenticity. Yeah. And he was in my life. Like, he he was maybe the first outward beer drinking cigar smoking baptist that I meant He was authentic. He was just like Uncle Charlie. And hence all the stories about them that that circulate in our family. So as mentors, the purpose is to uplift and motivate the leaders or the men that we're working with. So encouragement is really part of what a good mentor does, and we're there to lift people up, not to put them down. Again, because as a mentor ages, 1 of the things we just know is when you hit the next level of age development, stage of life. It's obvious to people around you that your words carry more weight. Mh. Yep. And so to always be joking about things, especially at someone else's expense, just not appropriate. Yeah. But to be able to speak those things directly, Oh, they carry away. Huge amounts of way. Yep. I'm feeling a little sensitive about you talking about as we age because, you know, we're the old guys now, but I'm still slightly older than new cars. Yeah. Slightly. But, you know, a huge percentage of the population are much younger than we are, under 25. Mh. So for those of us who are in that leading edge of the baby boomer bubble, the demographic bubble. There is a responsibility for us to engage in encouraging those that are following after us? I wonder about the role that we play as mentors in encouraging a younger leader. What are some of the uniqueness that we encounter? And what are some of the needs of younger leaders for encouragement. Whenever I'm ask a question like this is said look sort of takes the same qualities to be a good classic missionary. You enter the world of the other person. It's same thing it takes to be a good marriage partner, a good parent as your kids get older, You enter their world. So true with mentoring. You enter their world, so you're not saying what you want to say, but you say it in ways they can hear it. Mh. It's... Yeah. I I always use the analogy you decide if you listen to things where you put it on a station or a television channel. Their channels that just you just naturally like that. Mh. And there's ones you quickly pass over and go. Stop my style. Yeah. Country music for me. Exactly. Yep. We just lost the numbers of our listening audience in. That's okay. Yeah. That's key too. We do. But to be able to put it so they can hear it well. It just sort of comes straight in and then sinks in deeply to the heart or clear to the soul. I think we can help younger leaders also reminding them of their worthiness. When a younger leaders in just a time of despair or feeling low, that reminder from a mentor about your worthiness before God and in their community and in their family, I think can be really helpful to them and speak life into them. Anybody who's in a leadership position, you hear a lot of words and many of them are not speaking life into you. They're cri you, they're criticizing you they're seeking you to make a decision about something as mentors. 1 thing we can do for a younger leader. It's just speak life into them. Do you know what I mean by that? Absolutely. Yeah. I will add to that, speak life to them so that they can see what they are going through differently. Mh. Perspective again. Give a perspective, notice how often in both testament. It's may you have ice to see in ears to here. The roll the mentor is often into reframe realities so that they can see it and hear it Yeah. Differently. Right. Younger leaders, we can encourage them also. This is... May sound oh hot at first, but we can encourage them by giving them honest feedback. And also constructive criticism. If they feel that we are on their side if they feel like we're on their team. It can actually be a real encouragement to them if we give a course correction for something that they're doing. All in a very encouraging supportive manner. We can also give them opportunities, open some doors for them. Let them do some things that they wouldn't otherwise have a chance to do. Christian you just mentioned worthiness. Talk to me about what is worthiness like in this context. What I was meaning was it's reminding them they have worth and they have value. But how you convey that to them? Is actually simply by loving them, loving them deeply. Love expresses worthiness to people to all of us. Course right now, I've got a team of associates who were young leaders when I pick them. They're now not quite so young. The oldest ones are beginning to turn 60 and I'm going wow. What happened to our young. The young leaders. More than 20 years ago. Oh, wait. Just a second. What does Leigh and ford call you and I? We're still young leaders still. Yeah. He's 90 82. He's 92 rates. So we're all, younger. Mh. But when I look at these younger leaders, now the next generations who are in their twenties and thirties know them as much or more than me. And they always asked this question. How did you get them to work for you? Mh. Yep. And I said, look, they they weren't that good back then. So you're welcome. Yeah. Said, no. I knew I had invitations that it would take them a long time to get some... A few of them maybe never. But I needed a team. Right. So I actually just needed the help to bring them and give them opportunities to keynote things, to be p speakers. Put them in front of thousand or more leaders would have taken them a few more years. Yep. But you give them the opportunity. You give them a chance. And as a mentor, we also have to be okay with. Maybe it didn't work. Mh. We were in Ireland once and our family were watching a sheep dog competition. There was an Irishman and his name was Patty, and I'm... That's not a stereotype. But it really was his name. And he had this cute little border collie that he brought up And with these Sheep talk competitions, they release a dozen sheep out in a field. And then when the whistle goes, the shepherd is to send the dog out. The dog is to corral the sheep and bring them and put them right into a corral that they have out there. Well, Patti there and he has been the champion for Ireland for years, and he comes in with this young doug and the comment who are... They're just, like sports comment holders that we would have here in North America, and they're going, I'm not sure what Patti thinking about. He's that's a pretty dog that he's bringing into this competition, and the horn goes, Patty blows his whistle to instruct the border collie. And this border collie charged towards the sheep, and the sheep see the dog coming, and they turn around, they start running And this dog, on the camera, they only had sort of 1 camera pointing out this way, and the sheep went up and over the hill with the dog chasing behind them. And then finally, it times out. So the camera's just there you're waiting to see if the sheep are gonna come back with the dog corral them. They never came back. So they timed out Patty. And then immediately, these journalists were they're going, Patty. What do you think happening? And goes, I think the dog was too young. He... But he wanted to give it a chance. And I think we need to give younger leaders a chance, even if they chase the sheep over the help because we don't know who's gonna rise to the occasion who's not or they'll be better at something different. Yes. Than what we invited them in into. You had an experience where you misread a guy, about his ministry. Tell tell tell us that again. As a professor, I pulled a student in who was getting ready to graduate and I said to him. Is anybody giving you honest feedback, and he said, a little bit, and I said, let let me just give you observation. You're good guy. You're good job. Good heart, likable, But when I around you, I know of no discernible skills, gifting, talent or calling in your life. All the things that would make for a minister. Yep. And so I'm just saying to you... I I want you to understand. I'm not being mean. I'm just going... I I don't see it. So why are you finishing a 3 year graduate gregory and going into minister and he goes, my fiance just had the same conversation with me? He said, I understand, he goes, let me just tell you something. He goes, if you ever heard of the mall people, if you live in New York City, know about the old people. To describe it, those people who haven't... The the subway system goes approximately 4 levels or stories if you will. Below. A few of them go 5 levels below ground. And then below that, are a series of tunnels and things for maintenance. And that's where the mall people live. To typically have mental health issues. Something else. They hide down there. It's a whole community. Well, 1 of his cousins was down there. And so he had just gone down, taken blankets and things They welcomed him in. He began to have a ministry with them, started a bible study, which really expanded and people were embracing a faith in finding great help and hope. Yeah. And he said, I need to tell you this might actually turn into something, and I said, you'll have to forgive me. I was only thinking of ministry above ground. I was never thinking of ministry below ground. Now, fast forward, this guy became nearly famous in New York. He was written up nationally and recognized by the city of New York for his ministry with the Mo people. Yeah. No discernible abilities that we would see, but it was something there. Yeah. You know, that story is a good cautionary note for us as mentors to be careful about our assumptions about people because we don't fully know where their gifts and everything are going to be applied. What about the challenges of generational differences when it comes to encouragement. And how people like to be encouraged or are encouraged. What are some thoughts that come to mind about that? I think when you look at both generations and cultures, there are significant differences, but because we're talking about the human heart, There are great similarities as well. To be able to speak to people, something that brings life, Mh. Loves, if you will. Loves. Loves. Instead of just 1, like, augusta talking love life. Yep. Can speak into, value and validation. Still... Those all are useful? Right but they get dressed differently. And so 1 of the things I do regularly is with people older than me, which now are much. Mh. Much older much older. I take several days at the end of the year before Christmas to just set an appointment, call them Zoom with them and remind them of how valuable they have been and still are. Yeah. The response is always the same. They, of course cry, but they say, no 1 else. Remembers us. Right. I know it's not true. But for them, the fact that in my roles, their view of me matters. And so I've learned a lot about how to speak to them. Mh. Also cross culturally, not much fluff, but direct always works. Mh. What it's believable. When it's believable. That's a key part. It's related to discussions we've had before about giving feedback to people. Mh. You have to be a credible, believable person if you're going to do that. I've had some people who I with, and they don't have any recognizable strengths that are easily encouraged. And I think about the fact that they have gone through some system of education or in their job or getting promoted in their work, and no 1 has been honest enough with them to say, Do you know, you really don't have what it's going to take to have a successful fulfilling life or career in this particular ministry area. And just trying to be honest with them, but I feel like I'm being brought in like a hired gun and somebody else should have done this a long time ago, Obviously. But it's very honoring. To just be honest and direct and go. Here's what we see. Here's what we don't see. There is a future for you. Just possible not in what you thought it was. Yeah. That's possible. Hey, it's Martin Ear. I wanna tell you a word about my friend Carson. I love this guy. There's a passion for mentoring and leadership development that rises above almost everyone else's. A speaker. It brings leaders to a point of becoming just better in their leadership. He's a leader of leaders, written books mentors with expertise and it makes them a standout choice for your leadership conference. So if you are a conference to be something that takes people to a whole another place of inspiration, motivation and more effective leadership. Book carson is your keynote. Seize the opportunity to learn from 1 of the best Christian mentors you'll find. So visit us today, it mentored podcast dot net and inquire about Carson availability for your upcoming event. You know, here in Vancouver, we have dragon boat races every summer and those long canoe with 10 paddle and a collar at the back who's calling out the beat or the drum. And I use this as an illustration for if you want everybody rowing in the same direction with teamwork, if you had even 1 person who's kind of rowing backwards, it'll set the whole thing off course. And somebody who doesn't have the right gifts and skills for their particular job. It's just a matter of alignment. It's not even a personal thing, well, let's find where you really would shine, but it's just not here. When it comes to things like encouragement. We don't wanna give technique, but some approach really is useful. Mh. We we've mentioned a few, But let's give a couple more. Being substantive is really far better than something light noticeable by nearly everyone, make it substantive. Oh, also, the things that are not obvious like inherent things that maybe the person has, they've never actually highlighted them. Mh. Yeah. And go, I don't know if you're aware you have this it might be better than you know. And let's bring that to the forefront instead of keeping it back here. And sometimes even trying to become something that you're not actually. Right. We can also celebrate people. Most about are just are not celebrated enough. And I know that you're really good at this with sending gifts to people una announced. They just disappear and it's just a point of you saying, I'm thinking about you, encouraging you when you and I invest in, especially with younger leaders. The fact that they know that somebody cares about them makes a huge difference in their life. 1 of the things I probably hear the most. When I do strong encouragement, they're not used to it. And so the most common responses is Yeah. But you say this to everybody go. Let's make 1 thing really clear. I don't say this to everyone. I only say this is the New York Group piece. I only say what needs to be said. If it's real, I say it, if it's not, I say nothing. So if I'm gonna speak this to you, take it. It's receive it. If I don't say anything, that's what you wonder why not. And you have to decide what it is or take that up with a mentor or a therapist. Yeah. But please don't be dismissive of it. You know, I think about the role of faith in this whole subject of encouragement and how even talking about faith with people with Men can be encouraging to them because we're talking about something that's beyond themselves. And as you pointed out earlier on, Para is God who comes alongside us. And so as mentors we become that voice in their lives. We have an opportunity to speak the voice of the spirit. And if we can say, the actual words, the clear sense of encouragement and the way that the spirit would like us to say it. We've actually created this divine partnership between his spirit and our human spirit and we speak these words in human ways over people. Who may not have been able to hear it. Mh. You know, if somebody says well, in the bible, does it talk about encouragement? There's lots of examples of encouragement in scripture, but what's 1 that comes to mind for you? Well, 1 that I've often used to clarify because younger leaders, I listen to them and they'll go, pray it, I can stay encouraged and I go, no No. No. That's that's not the role of the Holy Trinity. It's your job. And I take them to first Samuel 36. Where it says just very clearly, and David either depending on your translation, strengthened or encouraged himself in the lord. Strengthen courage. It's that heart thing. Right. He built strength courage, hope into his heart because He knew there was a calling. He knew that the spirit of God would be with him, but it was his job. To keep that inner strength and billing. Yep. That's a great word as we wrap up this episode on encouragement. And I wonder if I could encourage our listeners to do a couple of things. 1 is take some time to think about somebody who was a great encouragement to you. And maybe drop them a note or, pick up the phone and give them a call? Another thought is, what about you turning to someone else? And being an encouragement in their life. This is something we can all do. So let's try as we finish up our day or we finish up our week. To be more encouraging. Well said. Well, I can hardly wait till our theme song starts for our next episode, but until then, I guess this is it. Nice to have time with you in the studio again, Martin, where mentored or mentored. You wanna hear more from us and find other resources on mentoring head over to our website site at WWW mentored podcast dot net, where you'll find all our topics as well as a way to subscribe to future episodes. And we'd also appreciate it if on social media, You take a moment to like or comment on our episodes. This helps us create better content and reach more people with our message. I'm Martin Sanders, and I'm Carson cue. Thanks again for listening, and we'll see you next time. Bye.